GAH!!!!!!!!!

sooooo........ once again.... i am sick.... :( donno with what.... but i am NOT a happy camper. :'(

School Year so far

this school year has been all over the place.
i have failed out, and crashed and burned, but somehow, for some reason, i still know that God is holding me soooo tight and safe in his hand. NOTHING can get me.
i have messed up, and fallen badly, but He doesnt care he loves me for who i am.... NOT what i did. :) :) <3 <3

I feel like crap. . . .

So as of right now. . . i am basically buckling over onto the floor. . .
I am getting huge sinus migrains. . . and I keep getting really dizzy too. . .
So this is what my christmas Break has been like so far. . . LOL. . .

Siblings

Siblings are the strangest things. . . .
LOL. . . .
Siblings always seem to get sick at the same time. . .
And with the same symptoms. . .
LOL. . . .
Siblings are awsome.. . .
And very special people. . . .

One More Day. . . . .

All I have is one more day,
One more day till I have a two weeks break,
One more day till I have to start working my butt off to get projects done.

One more day till I'm free,
One more day till I get semi away from everything.

All I have to do is keep holding on for that one more day. . . .

Ok so a quick update . . . . . .

So. . . . Christmas Break . . . . .
No idea what I'm doing. . . .
I want to go away, but I dont know where to go . . . . .
I guess I may try and get then car for a weekend . . . . .
Who knows. . . . I have time to figure it out. . . .

I Don't Know. . . I Just Don't Know. . . . .

So right now, I am extremely confused and hurt. . . . Like seriously. . . . What the heck !?!?!?!?!?! Does no one like give a hoot whats going on !?!?!?!?!?!?
I know that there ARE a couple of you, and I just have to realize that that's ok, and that ALL OF YOU never leave me hanging here alone.


Hanging by a moment- Lifehouse.
. . . . . . . . . chorus . . . . . . . . . .
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Today and forever

Right now I am sooooo hurt and confused.
I have had a couple things occure in the last couple days/hours, and I am not sure what to do.

I just. . . . . . I feel alone, but I know I'm not, and I am going to continue to look toward the mark and keep pressing on, until my Lord comes back.

Thanks to everyone. . . . you know what for :P

Night all of you. :)

YAYAYAYAYAY! ! ! ! ! ! !

I'm just starting to become excited about Christmas . . . . . . . .
I only have one week left. Then it's pure ISU work during my break. . . . Oh well. I brought it on myself. . .

School school school. . . ..

So ya I hate school right now. . . . .
it is soooo redundant. . ..
And a little pointless. . . .
But hey you need an education. . . .

Anyways. . . we'll chat about this

~ In General ~

In general,
I dont know what to expect,
I keep on going,
But I keep on falling,
How is this even possible.

In general,
I keep on climbing,
Higher and higher,
But for some reason,
I keep falling back down,
To the hard, hard ground.

In general,
Especially now,
I need to make my decision,
And I need to make it soon,
And I need to make it tomorrow night.

In general,
I am unsure,
But after my decision is made,
I am hoping that things will be cleared up.

So, once again. . .

So once again I was sitting here, doing most/all of the crap I have to get done, and i can accross an old letter that I gave to someone special. In the letter it talked about how, I could never go on with out him/her and how I did not want to face the world, or even another day with out them. Huge relaps of thoughts, good and bad, came rushing to my mind.

1) Why was i so stupid?

2) Is this person right?

3) Why am I so weak right now?

4) What would happen if I . . . . . ?

5) What does God want me to be doing with my life after this year?

6) Will things improve?

I dont know, any more. I am trying to surrender everything I have to the ONE I know i need to go to, but it is not helping. So whats next !?! I dont know. Only one person knows for sure, and He isn't going to tell me until the timing is right. I guess I'll keep on fighting and hopefully sometime, preferably soon, i'll get through and see the light at the end of the challenge, and just realize/think about how i was able to over come so many things in such a short amount of time.

Why am i so stupid !?!

I sit here and watch people i know make mistakes.
So what do i do? I go and make the same mistake.
I made the biggest mistake of my life and I am hoping, and praying that it WONT come back.

Anyways . . . . . It's my fault. What can i do !?!
Nothing as of now.

All i can do is sit here and wait. Patiently. Maybe. . . .

Brother. . . . . . . (gotten from an internet source)

Brother brother brother of mine,
Now that I got you and u make me float in cloud number nine,
This brother so sweet,
It took us so long to meet,
It is fun to have a brother and
For all these years I had none to bother,
Brother, u add color to my life.
When in sorrow u are there to lift,
Brother you are none other than god’s precious gift…
Oh brother I’ll listen to what you say,
Will you stay by my side?
Until my final day…

I hope . . . . . .

1) I dont have to have my wisdom teeth pulled.

2) I can bring up my English mark 33%

3) Everything will just go away and stop.

4) I'll get into the University I would like to get into.

SO >>>>>>>>

I have decided NOT to take the job. .

This is based on me not knowing where I stand.

I need to make sure I'm doing right and living right in order to minister.

Right now I'm not. LOL. So I am not taking the job for those of you who where wondering what was going on with that.

I dont know if I should or not

So . . . . . . . .
I was offered a job today. . . . .
It's only once a week, but still.
I would be working with children during their "youth" night thursady nights. . . I dont know if i should do it though.
JUst cause of where i am right now in my life . . . . . . . .

Second Chance - Hillsong

You called my name, reached out your hand,
Restored my life, and I was redeemed,
The moment you entered my life,
Amazing grace,
Christ gave that day,
My life was changed,
Went from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin

Chorus
So it's with everything I am,
I reach out for your hand,
The hope that changed a second chance
I've gained,
On you I throw my life, casting all my fears aside,
How could greater love then this, ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts, as I rest in you,
I'm now in love, with a Saviour,
Bearing the marks of his love

Chorus x2

Bridge
So I wait upon you now,
With my hands released to you,
Where a little faiths enough,
To see mountains lift and move,
Yeah and I wait upon you now,
Dedicated to your will,
To this love that will remain,
A love that never fails

tomorrow's a P.D. Day

so ya, tomorrow i am going to kitchener. By bus. i hate buses since everything that happened to change my perception of buses . . . . . anyways. it will be an interesting day tomorrow.

Filled With Your Glory

In my heart, in my heart, there's a fire burning

A passion deep within my soul

Not slowing down, not growing cold

An unquenchable flame that keeps burning brighter

A love that's blazing like the sun

For who You are and what You've done

And as the fire is raging on

So Your praise becomes my song

The whole earthIs filled with Your glory, Lord

Angels and men adore

(Mountains bow and oceans roar)

Creation longs for what's in store

May You be

Honored and glorified

Exalted and lifted high

Here at Your feet I lay my life

From the ends of the earth

To the heights of Heaven

Your glory, Lord, is far and wide

Through history You reign on high

From the depths of the sea

To the mountain's summit

Your power, Lord, it knows no bounds

A higher love cannot be found

So let the universe proclaim

Your great power and Your great name