Reaching For the One Most High

Only God

2010-11-01T10:41:00.002-04:00

only God knows whats going to happen. You can worry and fret, but in the end it doesn't matter, because God has everything thing in his hands, and He will not let you go or stop protecting you. you are HIS precious and He loves you and cares about you so much. thank you Lord for your promise of never ending protection and guidance :)

God's strength

2010-10-22T14:17:00.002-04:00

No matter what you find yourself going through you can always find something to smile about. God gives us a million reasons each day to be happy and smile. i know in my life, its been hard to find reasons. the only reason I have been able to smile and be happy lately is because i have finally surrendered my life fully to God and realized that nothing else matters. God has taken away all my sins and there is nothing i can do to change that. the decision He made to die for me, can not be undone. God's love is renewed each day and He is always there encouraging us, even when others don't. He is the ultimate father, redeemer and friend, and all i can id live for Him daily no matter what comes my way. He knows what he is doing, and He will never put me in a situation i cannot handle. Thank you God.

God

2010-08-10T10:31:00.001-04:00

God is greater than anything on earth, and I have started losing sight of that. I know what he has done, I know roughly who he is, but I am not living for him 100%. Something needs to change, and that needs to be me.

God cannot change he has promised in his word, that he is the same yesterday, today, forever. Therefore I MUST be the one to change for him.

I can't keep living a life of lies to him, he doesn't deserve that. I need to be living my life for him NOW, not later on. I know I have screwed up in my past, and I know that I am 100% forgiven, but part of me can't move on, and the other part already has.

To be honest, I'm confused and a bit concerned I never will move on. I know I can, I know I have the strength, but I still can't seem to be able to move post that day back in the summer of 2004, and 2006.

I know its in the past, but part of me is still living in that day. I just.... I have never been able to completely surrender to something/someone and that's what I really need to do now, with my life and every part of me. I need to do this more than anything, but I don't really know how to exactly. I know I can just ask, but that seems to easy.

It must be harder right? Like God,s son have his LIFE for me, I must have to do something more than just ask....

Lord I need you now,
Your my only hope,
That I will live for you, daily,
Your my only one,
Who is worth living for, Provide for me,
And keep me safe in your arms.

Lord I need you more than anything to come into my life and help me to be living for you, daily, and completely in my life. I need your help to keep me living for you, help the fire that's burning for my longing and desire for you to be number 1 in my life, to keep burning, and to keep burning stronger and brighter every day. Lord I do love you, but I really need your help right now, to be showing people that daily at work and at home. But especially in my dating relationship. Lord we need to be putting you first, and I need to be making more of an effort to do so, and lord I'm sorry that I haven't. :( I have let people down because I haven't, and I need to start living for you 100% of my days and living out everything I believe. Help me lord know I pray.

Amen.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

Trusting Through Everything

2010-07-23T09:52:00.001-04:00

Even when hard times come, there is one person who is able to help and guide me. God will be my strength and shield, even when everything seems to be falling apart, there is one thing you can count on. God's strength is forever and it will never fail. Even if you argue with people you love the most, and it hurts, you will get them back, you just need to keep believing they will come back to you, and more chances then not, they will come back. You just need to have faith and trust that you will see them again and be with them again forever.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

Reaching For God

2010-05-28T08:50:00.001-04:00

It isn't always easy to be reaching for God in hard times. I know in my life I have had a hard time doing that. Especially with people stabbing you in the back this way and that.
It wasn't untill I met some very special people that my mind changed about this. When I met these people for the first time, I noticed something different about them, what it was I didn't know, but I had a good idea of what it was. I have been longing to find that group of people that I can relate to and grow closer to God with, and I have finally found them :) thanks guys. <3 love you all.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

times are changing

2010-04-14T13:36:00.001-04:00

things are slowly looking up.. i thought everything was going downhill and that everything i did turned out wrong. BUT i have learned from a very good friend... that i am not a fail at life and stuff having to do with life. (L)

Your Love

2010-04-08T02:47:00.001-04:00

Your name, is like a mighty mountain, your name, is a strong and mighty tower, your name, is a fortress of forever, and nothing has the power to save, but your name.

Your love oh Lord, stretches to the heavens, your faithfulness, is never ending. Your love is never taken away or changed.

Your caring and able to save everyone. There is noone that you won't save, as long as we ask for forgiveness and mean it. You will forgive and actually forget. You hold everything in your hands and you never let go of anyone.

You are always there whenever we need someone to call on. You are NEVER going to forsaken us. You never fail, and you never change. You are the same yesterday and tomorrow and for all of our lives.

Thank you Lord for being you, and for saving me from everything and for protecting me from everything that may harm me.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

2010-03-30T18:55:00.001-04:00

Easter weekend should be good. The weather is suppose to be amazing :)

Praise God for the great weather. :) <3
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

Easter This Year

2010-03-27T00:13:00.002-04:00

Easter this year should be pretty good. i have lots to do, but at the same time lots of work to do. LOL.

it will be good though. Able to get away and just focus on your.

.... Prayer is ALL That Can Help Me Now....

2010-03-24T01:40:00.001-04:00

So as I sit, waiting, I don't know what for. Maybe its a sign, maybe its just for peace, maybe its even the ability to just stop worrying about the past. I don't know. All I can is sit here and pray for a sign and the ability to last one more day...

Whether that day has pain or joy or whatever. Life will always get better, and all I have to do is keep trusting and praying to Daddy for help and comfort.
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Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

Retreat today....

2010-03-17T00:53:00.002-04:00

i don't know... i'm confused about life,and wanting answers. I cant seem to get any though. I have the retreat tomorrow, but i don't know if I am ready for a whole 8 hrs focusing on God. I just dont know anymore. i dont know what i should be doing or where i should be.

my classes are ok i guess, but they need to be WAY better.
Like all i want is answers, is this too much to ask for...?

Hummmmmmm

2010-03-14T20:04:00.000-04:00

Hmmm I donno what to do.... I'm frustrated and tired....

life in general

2010-03-11T13:21:00.001-05:00

life is hectic but whatev. all i have to do is keep trusting in You Lord, and everything will work out.
as long as i pray to you, YOu will help me through and help me cope

Lord...? Are you there...?

2010-03-03T19:48:00.002-05:00

Lord,
I have been trying to study for the last couple hours, and i just pray to you right now, that you will grant me the mind to focus so I can do well and accomplish the best work i possible can. I love you Lord, and thank you for not letting go of me yet :) and thank you for NEVER letting go of me. grant me peace of mind.

Amen

this week so far.

2010-03-01T19:49:00.002-05:00

soooo im still sick, and i passed out again... :( i donno whats going on, but i wish i did. :( <3 Love you Lord, but can I please have a sign...?

Why??

2010-02-18T13:47:00.001-05:00

Why do I keep screwing up? Relationships and life. I know you hold it in your hand, but still Lord why? What are you trying to teach me? Can you please show me? Please Lord please?
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Humph!!!

2010-02-11T21:35:00.001-05:00

Hmmm sooo.... Once again I'm sick. But this time I will not give up, no matter what. I have way too much to be living for to just give up.

I surprised myself again

2010-02-06T23:51:00.001-05:00

Wow. Didn't think it was possible..... I did two essays in 7 hours. Each one was about 4 or 5 pages and about 1400 words each.....

I'm happy I'm learning how to do them quick..... But marks wise, I donno. I'm a little scared, but there is no point freating over what cannot be fixed. :)
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

coming up this year

2010-01-26T00:34:00.003-05:00

coming up this year is the following... i have mountain top till april, and then expedition till december :D yay!!!! travelling to peru, NY, and Montreal :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

GAH!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-24T16:54:00.001-05:00

sooooo........ once again.... i am sick.... :( donno with what.... but i am NOT a happy camper. :'(

School Year so far

2010-01-17T23:43:00.002-05:00

this school year has been all over the place.
i have failed out, and crashed and burned, but somehow, for some reason, i still know that God is holding me soooo tight and safe in his hand. NOTHING can get me.
i have messed up, and fallen badly, but He doesnt care he loves me for who i am.... NOT what i did. :) :) <3 <3

I feel like crap. . . .

2008-12-25T22:44:00.002-05:00

So as of right now. . . i am basically buckling over onto the floor. . .
I am getting huge sinus migrains. . . and I keep getting really dizzy too. . .
So this is what my christmas Break has been like so far. . . LOL. . .

Siblings

2008-12-23T20:51:00.002-05:00

Siblings are the strangest things. . . .
LOL. . . .
Siblings always seem to get sick at the same time. . .
And with the same symptoms. . .
LOL. . . .
Siblings are awsome.. . .
And very special people. . . .

One More Day. . . . .

2008-12-18T20:32:00.002-05:00

All I have is one more day,
One more day till I have a two weeks break,
One more day till I have to start working my butt off to get projects done.

One more day till I'm free,
One more day till I get semi away from everything.

All I have to do is keep holding on for that one more day. . . .

Ok so a quick update . . . . . .

2008-12-18T13:28:00.002-05:00

So. . . . Christmas Break . . . . .
No idea what I'm doing. . . .
I want to go away, but I dont know where to go . . . . .
I guess I may try and get then car for a weekend . . . . .
Who knows. . . . I have time to figure it out. . . .

I Don't Know. . . I Just Don't Know. . . . .

2008-12-15T19:28:00.002-05:00

So right now, I am extremely confused and hurt. . . . Like seriously. . . . What the heck !?!?!?!?!?! Does no one like give a hoot whats going on !?!?!?!?!?!?
I know that there ARE a couple of you, and I just have to realize that that's ok, and that ALL OF YOU never leave me hanging here alone.

Hanging by a moment- Lifehouse.
. . . . . . . . . chorus . . . . . . . . . .
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Today and forever

2008-12-14T20:59:00.002-05:00

Right now I am sooooo hurt and confused.
I have had a couple things occure in the last couple days/hours, and I am not sure what to do.

I just. . . . . . I feel alone, but I know I'm not, and I am going to continue to look toward the mark and keep pressing on, until my Lord comes back.

Thanks to everyone. . . . you know what for :P

Night all of you. :)

YAYAYAYAYAY! ! ! ! ! ! !

2008-12-11T21:11:00.002-05:00

I'm just starting to become excited about Christmas . . . . . . . .
I only have one week left. Then it's pure ISU work during my break. . . . Oh well. I brought it on myself. . .

School school school. . . ..

2008-12-09T12:35:00.002-05:00

So ya I hate school right now. . . . .
it is soooo redundant. . ..
And a little pointless. . . .
But hey you need an education. . . .

Anyways. . . we'll chat about this

~ In General ~

2008-12-02T20:08:00.002-05:00

In general,
I dont know what to expect,
I keep on going,
But I keep on falling,
How is this even possible.

In general,
I keep on climbing,
Higher and higher,
But for some reason,
I keep falling back down,
To the hard, hard ground.

In general,
Especially now,
I need to make my decision,
And I need to make it soon,
And I need to make it tomorrow night.

In general,
I am unsure,
But after my decision is made,
I am hoping that things will be cleared up.

So, once again. . .

2008-12-01T21:15:00.002-05:00

So once again I was sitting here, doing most/all of the crap I have to get done, and i can accross an old letter that I gave to someone special. In the letter it talked about how, I could never go on with out him/her and how I did not want to face the world, or even another day with out them. Huge relaps of thoughts, good and bad, came rushing to my mind.

1) Why was i so stupid?

2) Is this person right?

3) Why am I so weak right now?

4) What would happen if I . . . . . ?

5) What does God want me to be doing with my life after this year?

6) Will things improve?

I dont know, any more. I am trying to surrender everything I have to the ONE I know i need to go to, but it is not helping. So whats next !?! I dont know. Only one person knows for sure, and He isn't going to tell me until the timing is right. I guess I'll keep on fighting and hopefully sometime, preferably soon, i'll get through and see the light at the end of the challenge, and just realize/think about how i was able to over come so many things in such a short amount of time.

Why am i so stupid !?!

2008-11-25T19:59:00.001-05:00

I sit here and watch people i know make mistakes.
So what do i do? I go and make the same mistake.
I made the biggest mistake of my life and I am hoping, and praying that it WONT come back.

Anyways . . . . . It's my fault. What can i do !?!
Nothing as of now.

All i can do is sit here and wait. Patiently. Maybe. . . .

Brother. . . . . . . (gotten from an internet source)

2008-11-22T21:42:00.002-05:00

Brother brother brother of mine,
Now that I got you and u make me float in cloud number nine,
This brother so sweet,
It took us so long to meet,
It is fun to have a brother and
For all these years I had none to bother,
Brother, u add color to my life.
When in sorrow u are there to lift,
Brother you are none other than god’s precious gift…
Oh brother I’ll listen to what you say,
Will you stay by my side?
Until my final day…

I hope . . . . . .

2008-11-22T21:36:00.002-05:00

1) I dont have to have my wisdom teeth pulled.

2) I can bring up my English mark 33%

3) Everything will just go away and stop.

4) I'll get into the University I would like to get into.

SO >>>>>>>>

2008-11-22T21:31:00.002-05:00

I have decided NOT to take the job. .

This is based on me not knowing where I stand.

I need to make sure I'm doing right and living right in order to minister.

Right now I'm not. LOL. So I am not taking the job for those of you who where wondering what was going on with that.

I dont know if I should or not

2008-11-18T19:42:00.002-05:00

So . . . . . . . .
I was offered a job today. . . . .
It's only once a week, but still.
I would be working with children during their "youth" night thursady nights. . . I dont know if i should do it though.
JUst cause of where i am right now in my life . . . . . . . .

Second Chance - Hillsong

2008-11-15T20:23:00.002-05:00

You called my name, reached out your hand,
Restored my life, and I was redeemed,
The moment you entered my life,
Amazing grace,
Christ gave that day,
My life was changed,
Went from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin

Chorus
So it's with everything I am,
I reach out for your hand,
The hope that changed a second chance
I've gained,
On you I throw my life, casting all my fears aside,
How could greater love then this, ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts, as I rest in you,
I'm now in love, with a Saviour,
Bearing the marks of his love

Chorus x2

Bridge
So I wait upon you now,
With my hands released to you,
Where a little faiths enough,
To see mountains lift and move,
Yeah and I wait upon you now,
Dedicated to your will,
To this love that will remain,
A love that never fails

tomorrow's a P.D. Day

2008-11-06T20:25:00.002-05:00

so ya, tomorrow i am going to kitchener. By bus. i hate buses since everything that happened to change my perception of buses . . . . . anyways. it will be an interesting day tomorrow.

Filled With Your Glory

2008-11-06T20:02:00.001-05:00

In my heart, in my heart, there's a fire burning

A passion deep within my soul

Not slowing down, not growing cold

An unquenchable flame that keeps burning brighter

A love that's blazing like the sun

For who You are and what You've done

And as the fire is raging on

So Your praise becomes my song

The whole earthIs filled with Your glory, Lord

Angels and men adore

(Mountains bow and oceans roar)

Creation longs for what's in store

May You be

Honored and glorified

Exalted and lifted high

Here at Your feet I lay my life

From the ends of the earth

To the heights of Heaven

Your glory, Lord, is far and wide

Through history You reign on high

From the depths of the sea

To the mountain's summit

Your power, Lord, it knows no bounds

A higher love cannot be found

So let the universe proclaim

Your great power and Your great name

Cinderella . . . Cinderella

2008-10-30T20:34:00.002-04:00

Why do I feel like I am Cinderella? Having to do everything, not feeling like I am being appreciated. I just I don't even know what's true any more in my life. LIke I am so torn between fantancy and real life. Anyways. Confusion is starting to set in.

Life Life Life . . . .

2008-10-28T20:09:00.002-04:00

So yes. Life.
You can't live with out, But you mad at it.
How is that even possible?

This is one thing I have found myself thinking about so much lately. I just can't seem to figure out things right now. Never mind thinking about things, I just can't think seem to think or concentrate on anything. My grades are low and I need to bring them up, but I don't know where I am going wrong.

Anyways. Thats my life in a nut shell. lol.

Greg . . . . check this out

2008-10-25T19:56:00.000-04:00

[Photo]body{cursor:url("http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fplugin%252Esmileycentral%252Ecom%252Fassetserver%252Fcursor%252Ejhtml%253Fcur%253D1%2526i%253D12531a/image.gif") !important;}

anyways. ya
lol
i am using it right now

Mighty to Save - Michel W. Smith

2008-10-24T20:32:00.001-04:00

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour,
He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever,
Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour,
He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever,
Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour,
He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever,
Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

I hate . . . . . .

2008-10-24T20:21:00.002-04:00

I hate having those huge realizations.
They always happen at the worst times.
I always have the "huge" ones all at one time.
Usually two or more at a time.
LOL
Anyways . . . .

WHY. .

2008-10-23T20:47:00.002-04:00

Why do certain songs make you cry?
I can't listen to certain songs. LOL . . . .
Anyways, does this happen to you?
Let me know . . . . If you want to that is. :p

Cinderella - Steven Curtis Chapman.

2008-10-21T12:23:00.001-04:00

She spins and she sways

To whatever song plays

Without a care in the world

And I'm sitting here wearing

The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long dayAnd there's still work to do

She's pulling at me

Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle

And I've been invited

And I need to practice my dancing

Oh, please, Daddy, please?

"So I will dance with Cinderella

While she is here in my arms

'Cause I know something the prince never knew

Oooooh, I will dance with Cinderella

I don't wanna miss even one song

'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight

And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed

She wants to know if I approve of her dress

She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away

And I need to practice my dancing

Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella

While she is here in my arms

'Cause I know something the prince never knew

Ooh-oh ooh-oh I will dance with Cinderella don't want to miss even one song

'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight

And she'll be goneShe will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand

Just glowing and telling us all they had planned

She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away

But I need to practice my dancing

Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella

While she is here in my arms

'Cause I know something the prince never knew

Ooh-oh ooh-oh I will dance with Cinderella

I don't want to miss even one song

'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight

And she'll be gone

Sorry the next post is sooo long

2008-10-20T20:55:00.000-04:00

Gotta Be Somebody - Nickleback

2008-10-20T20:46:00.002-04:00

This time I wonder what it feels like

To find the one in this life

The one we all dream of

But dreams just aren't enough

So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.

I'll know it by the feeling.

The moment when we´re meeting

Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen

So I`ll be holdin’ my breath

Right up to the end

Until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.

'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Someone to love with my life in their hands.

There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.

Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.

There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight

And damn it this feels too right

It´s just like Déjà Vu

Me standin’ here with you

So I´ll be holdin`my breath

Could this be the end?

Is it that moment when I find the one that I spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Someone to love with my life in their hands.

There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!

When you're

Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough

Because you never know when it shows up

Make sure you´re holdin` on

‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Someone to love with my life in their hands.

There has gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.

Nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

Looking through folders on my computer . . . . . . . .

2008-10-19T19:26:00.002-04:00

I have no idea, where or even if I made this up. . . . so ya. . enjoy, a little more of a glance into my life.

So sweet the blood
That trembles on my lips
Staining my innocence
And tearing me further
Apart from reality
What new hope is
Has lost itself in my heart.
Too empty for even tears
To feel nothing again
Screams of pain ring
Within my own mind
My cries for help
Going to nothing.
So smile for the world
They expect your life
And give you nothing.
Fight it, don’t let them win.
Let your hands feel the blade
Run across smooth skin
And drift quietly
To a deeper nothingness

my Night was . . . . . . .

2008-10-12T08:05:00.003-04:00

Ya so as you read in my previous blog, i had the memorial last night.
I do have to admit though, it was hard during the whole time on me.
I guess i am not as strong as i thought i was.

But no, it became really hard for me when my cousin ended up leaving to drive back home.

I guess, i started to trust her about a lot of things, and it was just hard to see her go.

The night, after my dad and i got back to the hotel, was hard. i guess, i just really didn't know what or how i was feeling.
I was confused, but not at the same time.

i don't know, i am still sorting things out. . . . .

so ya finally this wekend is starting to make sence . . . . . . I think.

2008-10-11T21:54:00.002-04:00

So yes. i was at my aunts memorial today.
I left my house with my dad at 7:45 and made it up to sundridge for 1:30.
the memorial was nice. i feel like i can now semi move on in life.
I guess before now, i was mad and unsure about what had happened about 3 or 4 years ago. I don't know.
All i know, is now I am starting to get closure and i am not as depressed.
I do have to say though, its all cause of my cousin Kelly. . . . . . . there are no words to express my gratitude thankfulness, and love i feel for her. . . . she has truly been able to get me out of this rut, i have been in for so so long. . . . . thanks kelly. love you so so much. . . . . . (L)

so ya this weekend . . . .

2008-10-10T21:07:00.002-04:00

so ya this weekend i am heading up to Sundridge for my aunts memorial. so ya i get to take a 6 hour drive (it will probably end up being like 7 or 8) tomorrow morning. I am excited. but ya. It will be hard on me. as everything is. lol.

why?

2008-10-07T20:40:00.001-04:00

why does it always seem like when i start to get my life on track, I fall off like a train falls off of the tracks?

Boyfriend(s) ?

2008-10-04T23:59:00.002-04:00

I seem to be very vulnerable these days.

I always seem to be semi messing my life over.

Why is it always me who ends up screwing up?

There just seems to be so many other people this could happen to.

So why is it always me?

ONE LINE POEM- BY ME AND BANANA

2008-10-04T21:51:00.002-04:00

ONCE THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
WHO HAD ROSE PEARL
AND SHE WORE IT DAILY
AND PROUDY
SHE WENT TO SCHOOL ONE DAY
AND TRIPPED ON HER WAY
THE POOR ROSE PEARL FELL
TO WHERE, SHE COULD NOT TELL
WHERE IT WAS OR WHERE SHE COULD GET A NEW ONE
SO SHE CRIED TILL SOMEONE
CAME AND TOOK HER AWAY
TO A STORE TO FIND A NEW ONE
SHE CRIED WITH JOY, AND THANKED THE KIND GIRL
FOR HER LOVE AND KINDNESS
AND THIS IS THE END OF OUR SILLINESS

YA ! ! ! ! !

2008-10-04T11:19:00.002-04:00

I'm going to Roxanna's tonight ! ! ! ! !
I haven't seen her in like 2 weeks.
I miss her :'(
LOL.

Why is life so complicated ?

2008-10-03T20:10:00.001-04:00

Life is so over rated.
It is so complicated.
Why?
Does anybody know?
Please tell me.
(before I go insane) LOL. . . . JK

my back hurts ! ! ! ! ! ! !

2008-10-03T19:40:00.001-04:00

I don't know why, but for the last little while, my back has been killing me.
It's so weird.
All I can say, is that it feels so nice when it cracks.
Which is almost all the time

i am such a jerk

2008-10-02T18:59:00.002-04:00

So I am sitting in my basement, and I started texting some one.
I suddenly noticed that I am such a jerk.
I also noticed that I have a bad habit, of being very wanting my way.
Especially now after everything that has happened in the past 2 weeks.
Anywho, I am getting through.

So ya........ i dont know what to do

2008-10-02T18:36:00.002-04:00

I am so confused about the whole thing.
I dont know what to do.
I guess I'll have to wait and be patient.
It's really hard, but i think it wll get better.

Projects, essays, and fun?

2008-10-01T12:55:00.002-04:00

So ya during the school year you never have time for fun. Why is that?
Any other time, your board. But not during the school year. Why is that?
During Christmas/summer break, i can never find enough to do, but it seems to go by so fast. Why is that?
I never seems to have a life out side of school, but i dont really mind that much.
All it means is that i am keeping my marks up, and working my way toward graduation and university.

Finally

2008-09-30T20:14:00.001-04:00

So yes ! ! ! ! !
I have finally gotten my ears pierced.
YES FINALLY.
They hurt soooooo bad, but oh well.
It won't last too long :P
I hope. LOL

Thanks Tash.

2008-09-30T20:01:00.002-04:00

So ya Tash sent me an email today, and aat the bottom of it, it had this.
I dont know why but i felt alot of peace come over me.

*~*~Eternal_Shadow_Forever~*~*

I could not get the roses to show up. but oh well.

Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne

2008-09-29T18:48:00.001-04:00

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So yes . . . . So yes. . . . . .

2008-09-25T19:09:00.003-04:00

I dont know what to say. . . .
I am still trying to decide wether i should peirce my ears or not. . . . . .
Ill get it done Sunday if i do.
Do you think i should or not? any one at all?

Life is getting even harder.

2008-09-22T20:15:00.002-04:00

why is it, that everything happens at one time ?
life is getting more and more complicated by the day !
i just dont know what to do .
should i move out, or should i stay ?
i just dont know ! :'(

east to west - casting crowns

2008-09-21T20:46:00.003-04:00

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other
I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your [T]ruth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other
I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me
Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other(x2)
(Just how far, the East is from the West) (x3)
From one scarred hand to the other

I know ! ! ! ! its been a while

2008-09-21T20:19:00.002-04:00

What have i been up too? nothing much.
I have worked and done homework, and thats it.
I am finally over my cold thing that i have had for a while.
But now my mom and grandparents are really sick.
Life never quites giving me a hard time. LOL.
If it is not one thing, its another.
you get over one 0bstacle and there is another one waiting for you around the bend.
Oh well. What can you do?

I am done for the week

2008-09-16T18:05:00.001-04:00

All i can say, is thank goodness this week is done. Lol. Yes the whole two days.
I can now relax and get going on my chemistry, history, and english projects. Ya, i should probably get started on them.

Unchanging One - Todd Agnew

2008-09-15T20:35:00.002-04:00

I looked for love in every single situation

For something, someone

That would last a lifetime, a love that never dies

And I find

You know when I wake, when I rise, when I pray, when I curse You

And You love me the same

You know when I stumble and fall, and You're there through it all

The only unchanging one

I looked for faith on the edge of my roof

No fear, daddy's here

Still I struggle to trust

You with the rest of my life

When I could just fly

You know when I wake, when I rise, when I pray, when I curse You

And You love me the same

You know when I stumble and fall, and You're there through it all

The only unchanging one

I looked for God.

You know when I wake, when I rise, when I pray, when I curse You

And You love me the same

You know when I stumble and fall, and You're there through it all

The only unchanging one

You know my inmost being

You know my deepest scars

You know my darkest secrets

You know and You love and You love

I don't Know

2008-09-15T20:26:00.002-04:00

I dont know how to go on . . . . . . .

I dont know where to turn . . . . . .

I want answer but i cant find any . . . . . .

I dont know who to turn to . . . . . .

But I know I need to turn to you . . . . . . .

Please give me answers . . . . . . .

Because I am so scared . . . . . .

Just help me . . . . . . .

today and the week coming up

2008-09-15T19:46:00.002-04:00

today was ok, i guess. i only have one more day this week, so i guess i am a little happy about it. i get my ears pierced on thursday. so i am a little scared, but i know ill be fine. i guess ill just have to see what happenes. :P

Healing Rain - Michael W. Smith

2008-09-14T20:47:00.002-04:00

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain,
I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

The Wait is Over - Disciple

2008-09-14T20:42:00.001-04:00

I can feel it in the thunder rolling,
Lightning crashing
It’s our time, the wait is over
Fires burning, floods are rising
It’s our time, the wait is over
Sitting in ashes
Were broken with our faces
Downward
Like there’s nothing we are looking forward to
We’ve been waiting so long for this moment all our lives
Let it pour out
I can feel it in the thunder rolling,
Lightning crashing
It’s our time, the wait is over
Fires burning, floods are rising
It’s our time, the wait is over
Hoping and praying in silence
That the blessing of
The former
Isn’t the end of what we look forward to
We’ve been waiting so long for this moment all our lives
Let it pour out
I can feel it in the thunder rolling,
Lightning crashing
It’s our time, the wait is over
Fires burning, floods are rising
It’s our time, the wait is over
The wait is over
The wait is over
I can feel it in the...
We’ve been waiting so long for this moment all our lives
Let it pour out
I can feel it in the thunder rolling,
Lightning crashing
It’s our time, the wait is over
Fires burning, floods are rising
It’s our time, the wait is over

Grandmother? Is that you?

2008-09-14T20:18:00.002-04:00

So ya this is going to be weird and if you get freacked out easily, dont read on.

So i was sitting down stares watching T.V. and i saw something out of the corner of my eye. i looked over in that direction and i could see the outline of my grandmother. She passed away 4 and a bit years ago. She was my rock and my comfort. When she passed, i felt regret, and a whole bunch of other feelings. i have been looking at pictures of her lately, and i felt a sence of comfort come over me when i saw her outline. I was scared at first, but then i realized that i really needed this, because i was really starting to fall and crumble in my faith. When i "saw her" i knew that i was not alone and that i could go on on my own. i just needed that boost of comfort and energy.

Bring me Down - Piller

2008-09-14T20:11:00.002-04:00

You can't bring me down, you can't bring me down

Back in the day when nothing really mattered to me

I only saw with my eyes what they wanted to see

And everything around me seemed to never change

Looking for an easy way out, someone to blame

Why does it work this way, still today?

You wanna take somebody down along the way?

But I won't let that one be me, 'cause I don't want the drama it brings

See, today isn't "back in the day" anymore

I know a little more than I did before

So, don't forget before you try bringing me down

What goes around always comes back around

You can't bring me down

Do you hear what I'm trying to say?

You can't bring me down

I'll never turn the other way

You can't bring me down

What is it you're trying to say?

You can't bring me down

It's not like I'm running away

So, you think you can see inside my mind?

You probably could if you just took a little time

I know exactly what you're trying to say

But sitting in the stands ain't the same as playing the game

So, I can't comprehend in my mind

Just why we can't leave it all behind

So, come on and stand beside, and hold the line

'Cause tonight is the night we cry Oh

Why can't we feel what it takes for us to be real?

Why can't we see what it takes for us to believe?

Why do we say all of these things that bring us down?

You can't bring me down

I know that lots of you have been asking

2008-09-14T19:28:00.001-04:00

So yes. i am slowly starting to get better. i dont really know how much longer it will be, but i hope its soon, cause i have to work Thurs, Fri, and Sat. of this week.

What is Man?

2008-09-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

What is man
But a single thing
That no matter
How many times
You punish him
He will never obey
Instead he asks for forgiveness
All I want
Is forgiveness
Once again
And I want You to forgive me
Again and again
For the exact same things
But you always do, and I know You will
Because,
You are always calling me your little girl and daughter

Proverbs 3:5-6

2008-09-14T19:24:00.000-04:00

5 :
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, And lean not on your own understanding
6:
In ALL your ways
acknowledge Him,
And He shall
direct your paths.

The Heavens

2008-09-14T19:23:00.000-04:00

When I look
Up to the heavens
And I see a little star
I remember that
No matter what I do
You are always there
Standing true
And you always will be
Waiting
With open arms
Ready to catch me when I fall

Daily

2008-09-14T19:15:00.000-04:00

You are number one
And that`s how it needs to be
Daily
You are always helping me
But now and then I send you away
Daily
This seems to happen more and more
When storms hit my life
And I notice more and more
That I need you
Daily

Life

2008-09-13T19:23:00.001-04:00

life is filled with ups and downs

but it all depends on how we handel them

to how we make it through

Life is just like the first day of school

you learn so much

but forget everything the next day

You go through life

not knowing where to turn or go

But you end up depending on people

and never knowing how or why

you end up where you are

Life . . . . . . .

its all up to you

the individual

So um......Ya........ Once Again I Screwed up

2008-09-12T21:43:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here in my basement,

Wondering what keeps going wrong

I keep on screwing everything up

But i dont know how to make this one better

I just . . . . . . . .

I dont know how to look at myself

As a person without getting down on myself

And thinking. . . . . . .

How can i possibly keep screwing up so bad

I want to make this better

Without making it worse

But i dont know how to do it

Without making it worse

Everything is closing in on me

And i dont know where to turn

Or even who I can trust anymore

Apology

2008-09-12T20:35:00.002-04:00

I was laying in bed, again, not able to sleep, and i realized how much of a jerk i have been to soooooo many people. I know I probably should not be apologizing online like this, but i have to get it off my mind. I will try to apologize to each of you individually, but i may not see you for a while. So all i am asking, is untill then, please forgive me and ill talk to you all later.

Haunted - Kelly Clarkson

2008-09-12T20:27:00.002-04:00

Louder, louder

The voices in my head

Whispers taunting

All the things you said

Faster the days go by and I’m still

Stuck in this moment of wanting you here

Time

In the blink of an eye

You held my hand, you held me tight

Now you’re gone

And I’m still crying

Shocked, broken

I’m dying inside

Where are you?

I need you

Don’t leave me here on my own

Speak to me

Be near me

I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me

Shadows linger

Only to my eye I see you, I feel you

Don’t leave my side

It’s not fair

Just when I found my world

They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart

I miss you, you hurt me

You left with a smile

Mistaken, your sadness

Was hiding inside

Now all that’s left

Are the pieces to find

The mystery you kept

The soul behind a guise

Where are you I need you

Don’t leave me here on my own

Speak to me

Be near me I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me

Why did you go?

All these questions run through my mind I wish I couldn’t feel at all

Let me be numb

I’m starting to fall

Where are you?

I need you

Don’t leave me here on my own

Speak to me

Be near me I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me

Where are you?

You were smiling

Just Like A Tattoo - Jordan Sparks

2008-09-12T20:07:00.002-04:00

No matter what you say about love

I keep coming back for more

Keep my hand in the fire

Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life

I learn every time I bleed

That truth is a stranger

Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong

And then change my mind

Sorry but I have to move on

And leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment

I realize, nothing's broken

No need to worry 'bout everything I've done

Live every second like it was my last one

Don't look back at a new direction

I loved you once, needed protection

You're still a part of everything I do

You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you

I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games

It's not about taking sides

When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver

It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong

And then change my mind

Sorry but I gotta be strong

And leave you behind
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you

I'll always have you)

If I live every moment

Won't change any moment

Still a part of me and you

I will never regret you

Still the memory of you

Marks everything i do
Just like a tattoo

I'll always have you

So Um.........Ya

2008-09-11T21:27:00.001-04:00

So ya i am really bored. I cannot think right now. Does anyone have any idea how to get rid of a sinus headache? If you do, please let me know. :(

Health Update

2008-09-11T21:17:00.001-04:00

So ya i have been sick for 2 weeks now. i started off with strep throat and now a have a really bad sinus cold and migrains everyday.
It is not fun. Especially with having to deal with school on top of that.

praise you in the storm

2008-09-08T19:59:00.000-04:00

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to Youand raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away Chorus I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth Chorus

Wondering

2008-09-08T19:15:00.002-04:00

sitting here

all alone

thinking of how it could be

wondering what love feels like

wondering if your here with me

holding and hugging me

wishing me well

Willing to help

but how will i know when i know nothing about you

and you know nothing about me

and maybe thats good,

but it may be bad

no one will ever know

Forever - Chris Brown

2008-09-08T18:35:00.002-04:00

It's like I've waited my whole life for this one night

It's gonna be me you and the dance floor'cause we've only got one night

Double your pleasure

Double your fun and dance

Forever (ever, ever)

Forever girl forever

Forever (ever, ever)

Forever on the dance floor

Friday Nights

2008-09-08T18:30:00.003-04:00

At my church/youth group, we have a friday night fire. it is not the type of thing where Christianity is going to be shoved in your face. It is a night of fun and games. From what i know that is what it is. if you want to come let me know.

Why am I ALWAYS sick?

2008-09-08T18:18:00.003-04:00

I hate life when you are always sick.
I had laryngitis last Dec. and I got it again in May.
I know have it again, and its the worst case i have had so far.
I have laryngitis and strep throat again. so ya i am not too well rightnow.

Nobody's Home

2008-09-07T18:53:00.001-04:00

Her feelings she hides.

Her dreams she can't find.

She's losing her mind.

She's fallen behind.

She can't find her place.

She's losing her faith.

She's falling from grace.

She's all over the place!

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

That's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside.

Perfect - Simple Plan

2008-09-07T18:37:00.002-04:00

Hey dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to plan?

And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?

But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't pretend that I'm alright

And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think

About the pain I feel inside

Did you know you used to be my hero?

All the days you spent with me

Now seem so far away

And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't stand another fight

And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said

Nothing's gonna make this right again

Please don't turn your back

I can't believe it's hard

Just to talk to you

But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I am not alone (so i am told)

2008-09-07T13:02:00.003-04:00

So ya i was listening to the radio last night, because i could not sleep. i started breaking, and i could not keep it in. I turned the radio up and tears streamed down my face. i cried for about an hour or so. LOL. All i could think about was people in my life who have either screwed me over or told me to get out of their lives. i then started looking at photos from the past, well that made it worse. all i could think about was my grandmother, and aunt, who are not with me anymore.

Grade 12 ? ? ? ? ? ? NO

2008-09-04T18:44:00.003-04:00

Everyone says that grade 12 is the best year of your life. Guess what? grade 12 is the worst year of my life. I have come home and felt like breaking down ever since school started. (3 days ago)
Everyone hates me and the only friends I had are now gone.
I am so alone and feel so hurt.
The question I have is, is it my fault or is everyone else snobs?

Last Year: isn't going the way I thought it would

2008-09-02T18:14:00.003-04:00

So yes, school again for the very last year.
Grade 12. LOL
I better not screw up this year.
It is going to be weird.
Everyones gone.
Everyone who understood me,
Who would stay by me and keep me relaxed.
Their all gone. :'(
I dont really know what to think.
I dont really know how to feel, or how to act.
I found it really awkward today, hopefully it gets better.
I hate life right now.
I feel like crying and breaking down.
But i dont want to be weak, and unable to understand and absorbe the things I need to.

Finally

2008-09-01T20:13:00.002-04:00

I have finally finished my room.
It took me three weeks to do.
I really like it now, and I finally don't have wallpaper up. LOL
Done just in time for school. LOL

Falling

2008-09-01T15:28:00.002-04:00

I am falling now
So very fast,
And cannot seem to stop.

I need YOU now more than ever,
Please come save me
Before I fall
And cannot come back